I was an adult, I paid for it, and I could do whatever I damn well please. He proceeded to run around the circle sprinkling everyone with glitter confetti, and that's when I realized something very important: I HATED this ridiculous class. As I watched the teacher prance around the circle making people go to the middle to dance, I felt nervously like I was watching some sort of animal sacrifice. I was afraid to leave early for fear that it would be rude, the teacher's feelings would be hurt, or even that the girls the front desk would be offended. But instead I stood there waiting to discover some way to melt into the floor. Every single fiber of my being wanted to flee this hot mess.
My first thought was, obviously, WTF. My second thought was, Damn, the West has really hijacked yoga. Towards the end of the class, the teacher announced that we were to get into a circle for the dance party. Nonetheless, I stayed because it was ultimately a decent physical workout, but as for quieting my mind…well that just wasn't going to happen. Call me a traditionalist, but the class wasn't exactly my vibe. Don't get me wrong, I've never been one to hold back if someone is behaving rudely-litterbugs I'm looking at you-but most of the time I will swallow my own needs just so I can avoid hurting someone else's feelings.Ĭase in point, I was trying out a new yoga studio and had the misfortune of signing up for a class run by a man wearing a gold lame bodysuit who insisted on playing Madonna very loudly the entire time. Like many women, I suffer from the need to be "nice" like cats have the need to spit hair balls all over the place. And I haven't looked back, indulging in the occasional unhealthy treat without fear that the world would come crashing down. No beating myself up or worrying about the sugar content. I split half of an absurdly decadent flourless chocolate cake and relished every minute of it. Taking a broader view, I realized how self-defeating and insecure my behavior was. Because I don't want to hear it." I realized I had become like that friend who constantly dates the loser and then complains about it. I heard my inner voice remind me "if you eat these desserts, you better not whine about the carbs later. Turns out my inner self didn't care to mince words.Ī week later when I was out with friends for a birthday dinner, we ordered three different desserts one rivaling the next in decadence and sugar content. Side note: Could my inner voice be my role model? And if you're going to do it, you better enjoy it and shut the eff up." Turns out my inner self didn't care to mince words. I heard my inner voice say (I call her Joan because she reminds me of Joan Jett): "If you're going to beat yourself up about it, don't eat those fries/paint those nails/take a break. If I ate something unhealthy like french fries, I would mentally prepare myself for a week of salads and an extra intense workout.Ī few days into my experiment, something dawned on me. When it came to spending money on "frivolous" things like manicures and pedicures, I would feel guilty every single time I ponied up my credit card in spite of the fact that I love the look of manicured nails. When it came to work, I often felt guilty if I took a break-even when I worked hard enough or long enough to deserve one. Here's what I figured out.Ĭan I get an "amen" on this one? If there is a woman alive who doesn't feel guilty about *something,* I'd love to meet her. So what did I learn in a month of doing this? How to whip up a mean bolognese thanks to Emeril. And Shine Text sends you a daily motivational message right to your phone, complete with GIFs and photos. Louise Hay offers up positive affirmations in her soft, soothing voice set over brainwave-friendly music. Love Pioneer is a series of "flash cards" with words of wisdom like "energy speaks louder than words" or "trust the timing of your life." The user "flips" the card over for a more in-depth explanation and a focus meditation. So kinda a half-way point between OG affirmations and the hack kind.
ThinkUp allows you to record affirmations in your own voice, set it to music, and listen to at your leisure. My plan: I downloaded ThinkUp (opens in new tab), #lovepioneer by Jennifer Kass (opens in new tab), Louise Hay Affirmation Meditations (opens in new tab), and I signed up for Shine Text (opens in new tab). If Seamless can come to the rescue when you're too busy with Netflix to cook, and Uber can help when you're too drunk to figure out how to get home, then surely affirmation apps could help me.
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